Letter From Ravana to Ram

photo credit: imgion.com

Dear Ram,

Hope you had a wonderful and bombastic 4015th Vijaydashmi celebrations. Or was it 4019th? Having been burnt every year so religiously that I have certainly lost the count of years since we engaged in the battle in Lanka. That was long time ago and together we five have stood the test of time. Yes I am counting in Meghnad , Kumbhakarna and Laxman too . You and your faith are still vibrant while me and the evils, I am said to resemble, still exist. That puts us in stalemate mate!
I really wish that we should have signed a peace accord then or Vibhishna could successfully play a role of mediator rather than enacting like a presstitute as your media does now.

Well who cares for peace, it is all fun that people seek whether watching the Ramlila or clapping while I am lynched…..Oh! did I say that. Sorry, I meant burnt. A slip of thought and my tongue dear. That L word is quite a buzz now a days here in your media that it is giving a tough competition to the more common f word. f ??of course f in lower case is facebook.

It is not only me who drop L word during casual conversation but few days back I found a newly wed wife of a software developer asking her husband through a comment on his facebook wall “ Darling, will you come for lunch today? The software developer might not be interested in regular patta gobhi that her wife eagerly cooked so he replied “ No dear.. you lynch yourself”. That post had 251 likes and 34 shares before the husband clarified that he actually typed lunch but the Auto-Correct mode typed it lynch. I was later updated by Meghnad’s tweet that the couple have settled to divorce after Vijaydashmi. Strange, that people here in your land have lost the sense of tolerance and react over few misquoted words.

Well while we were roaming around your nation observing our creatively crafted into ugly effigies I was really thrilled to watch me having ten heads. Empowered with a smartphone and the notion that daughters can be saved via Selfie with the Daughter, I couldn’t resist to take a Selfie with the Effigy to help me save my effigies from being burnt. My selfie tweet has become latest rave in Pataal Lok. See we too share useless personal emotions like people do on Bhoo-Lok. But sadly my effigies and your daughters still remain vulnerable .

So then I asked Kumbhakarna to schedule a meeting with Arvind Karebawaal to stage a bawaal at Ramlila maidan at Delhi. He was expected to do a bawaal if he is not given a turn to shoot an arrow on our effigies as is the demand by Delhi Ki Junta through him. Guess what? Kumbhakarna kept sleeping and Arvindji coughed his way back home.

As a second option, I thought to request Ravishing Raveesh Kumar of Anti TV, who is busy now a days with his show Ye Jo Mera Bihar hai, to do a Ye Jo Mera Tyohaar hai on the inhuman treatment meted out to me and my family members repeatedly year after year. Although only his mike seems to be more receptive than him while his cameraman always has a tendency to point and shoot any living organism passing nearby but the main subject. But at least it will highlight the apathy of we three. May be some rationalists would return their ration card to stop this barbarism. Or the SC takes a suo motu cognizance and issues a guideline that ‘only He who exemplifies a true Ram like character would be exempted for burning an effigy of the Ravana” Then possibly I may never burn in your nation, Ram.

With best wishes,
Yours truly
Former Lankapati, Ravana
Wish we don’t see each other next year.

Thankyou for reading.