Monday, August 31, 2015

My take on Income Tax return

Its pleasure to file your IT return on the last day. Its valour to defy their repeated reminders through messages and emails. When you delete those messages, when you ignore those emails consider it as your bold declaration of war against a gamut of IT officials who have ruthlessly seized your hard earned money in form of taxes.
But I sort of take extreme care and diligence to file it not on the last day but in the last hour, preferably in the last minute. I want to keep the IT officials pondering till the last minute of the time i have. Its ecstacy to feel that the guy who has deducted almost a month of my salary as income tax is sitting in anticipation on the other side of network biting the last nails he has.Wheteher I will or I’ll not.That may sound weird .But i seek satisfaction in thinking so. The act of filing an IT return is not due compliance but my vengeance towards the IT deptt.When W.H Auden wrote that “ those to whom evil is done do evil in return” I consider he meant an IT return and i completely abide by it.
The whole financial year gets over by playing hide and seek with the IT deptt.If they had their TDS, I had my NPS. If they brandished their cess and surcharge, i countered with my PPF and insurances .
The soulful joy is when you cunningly pluck out your secret move from the pack of cards and surprise them with an extra unreported savings done . A 500 here and a 1000 there saves a 50 here. The refund amount may be small but it gives a paradigm shift to your effort of filing return.The whole idea is not to reveal all your savings in a go and keep a few for the last moment to climb the bandwagon of Tax refunds .
Although the truth is that you can’t change your fate and you can’t change your total tax. But you can fight your fate and you can claim your refund from tax. Its just an alter way of thinking. For full one year a lioness sharpens her claws, works hard and plans and effects a kill. The lion simply comes and carries a major chunk from her kill on the pretext of rule and strength. The lioness is a salaried employee and the lion is IT deptt. To get a tax refund is that moment when you can strike and snatch the meat out of the lions mouth.
A net tax refund makes you feel like an achiever,a shrewd planner who has just turned the table to the other side. So you invest all your lifes accountancy, use all statistics , trignometry or geometry or every rubbish you have read but make sure that in the end you get the hell out of your IT return and get them to pay you back. After all the one who strikes the final blow is the one who wins.

Thankyou for reading

Friday, August 14, 2015

The Parliamentary Entertainment:Last day of Monsoon session 2015

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Would have wished to be in parliament today
Not that I am a connoisseur of political debates. But be it movies or parliamentary debates entertainment is all I seek. Entertainment is all it was. The last day of monsoon session was never the less than an epic potboiler.

Mallikarjun Kharge tried to inspire like the king of Spartans.He knew the numbers are few but the territory has to be defended.He spoke valiantly.He charged audaciously. HIs courage never faltered him, only his accent did.

So he fired the 7 Questions or the 7-Qs towards towards the government benches.This when the master orator was absent from the battle field. Only he has engineered 5-Ds,3-Ts,6-Ss
etc more succesfully earlier. He has churned out such words from his word processor more faster than can fruit juice by a food processor.

I am afraid someday he may claim that 26 alphabets and 1 to 10 digits are his creation during BJP rule, leaving 0 for Aryabhatta.
Sushma Swaraj resembled a wounded tigress which waited patiently to prowl on the Ra-So prey. The wounds afflicted by the allegations were all out on her face.All she did was wait for her turn. She knew it will come.And When it did she devoured the opposition by impeccably chosen words. Words mastered from her ‘adtees saal experience in Rajneeti’. "RG you are fond of holidaying.On your next holiday go and read the Kaale karname of your family and come and ask your mother Mumma, Quattrochi ko kitne paise diye. Mumma Anderson ko kyun jaane diya tha?" and then "Adtees Saal se Rajniti me hoon...Thirty Eight Years...aur til bhar bhi daag nahi laga".Well these are the dialogues that brews a 100 crore saga entertainer. For that matter  Bahubali can be an exception. Sarcasm at its best, she ripped apart Ra-ga with her final onslaught and actually spelt Quid pro quo for him.
On the background the self acclaimed iron man who has seemed to lost all his charisma for the past one year seemed as cold as stone and  seemingly trying to decipher greek inside parliament.He pacified Sushma swaraj by patting her back and probably quipped " Beti don’t speak for so long. Nowadays only Modi does so.”
 Attack and counterattack. 
Rahul Gandhi was in his artistic best when he retorted in equal measure quite confidently
" Sushma swaraj held my hand yesterday and asked Beta kyun Naraaaz ho mujhse.Maine tumhara kya kiya”. I told 'Main apse naraz nahi hoon.Maine aapki aankho me dekha jaise main abhi dekh raha hoon.Main satya bol raha hoon.Aur aapne apni aankhen jhuka li" His words thoughtfuI?Who cares. His mannerism draamatic? Yes it was.I wondered wheteher there'll be an advertisement after his speech -Beta Kuch lete kyun nahi?
Arun Jaitley had his turn too" The problem with Rahul Gandhi is he is an expert without any knowledge". The problem with Arun Jaitley is he always wears a smile, he thinks it makes him look suave but which makes him look all the more cunning.So stop grinning.
Not to forget the continuous din and sloganeering of the congress calling PradhanMantri Hosh me aao...hosh me aao and Pradhanmantri Sadan me aao..sadan me aao and cheer by the BJP members.The epitome of democracy seemed like the epitome of defamation .Kala-dhan was no where to be discussed but the kala-man was all out for us to see.
Narendra Modi tweeted a congratulatory message for Shushma Swaraj as if she had won a national level extempore competition. By tweeting the video link of Shushma Swaraj’s speech he behaved like a father who takes pride in the misdeeds of his spoiled brat and brags it out everywhere.
I wish I get to see such impromptu scripted parliament session in the multiplexes. I will whistle, hoot, shout at each dialogue. I will jeer down with congress-Pradhanmantri chuppi todo, chuppi todo. I will chant along with  BJP members. What an experience it would be . Bravo Parliament.

Thankyou for reading.
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