Thursday, December 24, 2015

Letter from an aggrieved 'Number System' to Delhi CM

courtesy : Google images

Dear sir,

Notwithstanding the fact that we rate your hard hitting decision to reduce the number of vehicles polluting  Delhi's atmosphere as marvellous ,  our Union of  Number System strongly disapproves with the rule behind rationing.

Bearing a legacy of famed mathematicians like Bhaskara , Aryabhatta , and Ramanujam isn't it undignified to employ simple elementary mathematics of odd and even to frame a rule which will affect the psyche of masses in general. Your rule, my dear,  has ignored the basic principle of mathematics : the difficult, the better.

The simplicity of identifying odd and even has sucked the breath out of your fellow protest groups, who were so longing to hug the deserted Jantar Mantar had you offered a more difficult proposition to Delhiwales . Infact, your transition from a coughing krantikari to a pondering adhikari has caught every ready-to-agitate soul unarmed.

But real world apart, the world of mathematics is under a severe trauma since you colluded with  the chunnu-munnus of number system and ruined  the ego of other big shots like Prime and Composite number or Rational-Irrartional number.

Sir, your rule has revived the caste system in our community where odd-even still enjoy privilege over other real numbers. For years we have ignored the discriminatory treatment meted to rational-irrational numbers over odd-even by the student community at large. For a meagre 5 marks they prefer writing the complete multiplication table of even numbers between 1 to 10 than proving how square root2 is irrartional. Just because 2,4,6,8,10 are even and rhyme together should  we deny  poor square root2 the right  to prove its rationality? In such a partial oriented society, the selection of only odd-even by an ex-IITian thereby ignoring the whole gamut of real numbers might leave Pythagorus turn in his grave.

In a bid to assert your mind's supremacy, pay homage to past mathematicians and give fodder to protest to political parties we suggest you an alternative. Make a raita of all real and imaginary numbers, spit a bit of calculus into it and offer a ready to rebel vehicle rationing policy as raita to litter.

Enforce some out of box complex rules, go back to vedas or vedic mathematics and churn out theorems that would put followers of Euler, Lafrange or Leibniz to shame. Unleash the 'iterative dog' of Runge-Kutta method over the numb mortal brains of Delhites . Introduce the imaginary and ever dreaded iota (i) as the complex series in vehicle numbers, gift the Delhi dudes some Double Differential equations and toss a pinch of quadratic to the motorists Madams, the solution to which would be their licence to drive. Or include rational irrational numbers as part of  the rationing policy by crowning every vehicle number with a square root function and let the hapless mind decipher its rationality.  Make the vehicle numbers so miserable to identify,sir,  that people shudder twice before driving again.

Let us together prove everyone that when we copy a rule then we improvise upon it even better. Thus let us welcome a beautiful world where early morning every person worth his mathematics soul would hold a glass of milk in one hand and an advanced mathematics book in the other.

With few regards
Yours Mathematically,
Union of Number System

Thankyou for reading

Friday, December 18, 2015

India is Cinema, Cinema is India

Selected for Spicy
Saturday Picks

I had a dream.
No wait!. Not the one like Sir Martin Luther King.
It’s a simple one, the one we are more accustomed to in our ordinary lives. Its ordinariness makes me shy to share it with you.  But then  Sheikh Peer has rightly said “Whats in a Shame?”. Or is it 'Shakespeare' and 'name'? whatever, let it be 'shame' for a while.
So my dream goes like ;
From the Ramparts of Red Fort I saw our Prime Minister addressing to the nation on the eve of auspicious release of Dilwale and Bajirao Mastani.  He  asked the  Shahrukh Sevaks and Ranveer Sena to maintain peace and harmony on this festive day . He also pleaded with the Whatsapp users to not spread rumors regarding Dilwale's story being leaked and warned them of falling in trap of negative publicity of SRK. Rather he suggested every cinezen to become a Dil Wale and support King Khan in his desperate days. Or they should carry packets of Bhaji inside theatre to watch Bhaji Lao Mastani.  

Someone in the crowd broke the news about CBI, Centre for Bollywood Investigation, raids inside Delhi secretariat. CBI said it acted  upon the information of  illegal hoarding of black tickets of INOX and Big Cinemas of the two mega movies by the secretariat . Arvind Crazywaal cried foul and said that CBI wanted to get hold of a file regarding investigation of DDLJ black ticketing when Jaitleyji was Movie Minister.

Then, I saw Arnab God's Swami  in Movies Now. In his news debate When- Arnab- wants-to-know-then-the-nation-wants-to-know he sought clarification on the necessity of releasing the two mega entertainer on the same day .Why of all the 365 day Sanjay Leelaa Bhansali chose to spoil cinema lovers much awaited  never old sizzling combination of  Shahrukh and Kajol.
He also wanted to know why the nation should not know that if Deepika and SRK know each other so well then why did not they opt for other dates so that he is saved from knowing what he is trying to know now. He grimaced over the insensitiveness of bollywood towards 1.2 billion poor cinezens. In his conclusion he used words like Pathetic-thrice, Miserable-4 times, Pity-twice and Hopeless-once before suggesting to watch Gangs of Wasseypur again to gang up against both the new movies.

Switch to Red Fort and amid a thunderous applause we saw entire film cast of Dilwale and Bajirao waving from the Red Fort while a new slogan is launched by our beloved the-one-who-must-not-be- named "India is Cinema,Cinema is India" and further announced a one day NH-National Heralday on 19th December.

             ---------------------------   INTERMISSION  ------------------------------
                               Plz  read further at your own idle Time !

A soft music awakened me which I mistook for Beethoven's fifth symphony but was actually buzzing of few nonchalant  mosquitoes inebriated  with All-Out liquor.I furiously  swept them away in air and hurriedly tried to catch the glitz over the Red Fort .

Instead, I found myself seated behind Jyotiraditya  Scindia inside Parliament. In a well memorised and loosely rehearsed speech, RaGa sought the speaker's attention over the over dose of red hue by Bhansali in his earlier production  RamLeela and criticised him of saffronising the bollywood. RaGa accused the govt for playing with minority sentiments citing that since SRK belongs to a minority therefore Govt is eroding SRK's finance with Bajirao's release on the same day. "Such is the apathy of this Govt that the number of persons below Bollywood poverty Line (BPL) have increased day by day" he roared. "60 % of India's cinezens fail to watch 1 movie a month. The Govt must not only boast about opening bank accounts under JanDhan yojana but also deposit movie ticket fares in it."
He  recalled  how in UPA's Movie  Goers National Relaxing Entertainment Gurantee Act 
 ( MGNREGA ) his govt had assured one day movie a year to one person of a family.
Jyotiraditya Scindia stared Mallikarjun Kharge down when he tried to correct RaGa’s MGNREGA abbreviation " Baba ne bola M for Movie to Movie" with loud thumping over desks.
Supplementing that SRK's Dilwale is better than Bajirao he elaborated  how he has downloaded both last night on torrent.
A Bollywood Janta party (BJP) member accused the opposition for stalling the GST bill which would ensure reduced Tax for poor Moviegoers . Jaitleyji countered the fabricated chaos about timing of both movies in the same week. “People should watch both instead of one” he suggested with his suave smile.
The TringBring Movie Congress (TMC) was offended  and compared Jaitley's remark to that of Marie Antoinette's –Let them eat  cake , if they can't have bread. A tragic enact by Didi "Do ticket movie ki keemat tum kya jano Jaitley Babu" sent the opposition benches to cheer "once more...once more"
Unperturbed by the speaker’s dire consequences of stalling the parliament entire opposition staged a walkout to mark 18th December as PVR Chalo Andolan day.

A familiar Nokia ringtone echoed in the slowly evacuating hall. I pointed towards the Apple Iphone seated lazily inside the Khadi pocket of a grumpy member  beside me "Sir, why do you demean the poor Iphone by using a ghostly Nokia ringtone ". Something jolted me up like a slap on my face and I located the source of cheap sound into my Lumia720 wailing beside on bed.
Softly I touched the answer button to ease its pain.

The caller voice resembled to that of a sleepy news reader in All India Radio who is entrusted to broadcast news in the dead of night while he knows no one is listening.

“Why do you sound so sad my dear ?” dizzied with sleep, I enquired
“Sir this is Engineering Control Allahabad. Would you go for night foot plate tonight?”
Disgruntled due to this unauthorised encroachment over my dream sapce, I replied sternly “No, I will rather watch Hate Story-3 again” and slid the phone back under the pillow.

Thankyou for Reading
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