Sunday, September 28, 2014

Indian Railways to replicate ISRO

After ISRO’s success, His MODISTY has asked Indian Railways to replicate something similar. To which all railway officials have responded, unanimously.

After 3 days high intensity meeting of top officials of Engineering, operating, Mechanical, Safety, commercial and don’t know how many deptts  the IR has decided to send a WDM-5H Diesel powered Loco to Mars.  Much deliberation and highly creative minds were invested to name the mission. The onus was to name something which must sound different than MOM or DAD and resembles both Rail and Mars. Finally the mission was named ,but obvious, Rail On Mars (ROM), which has nothing to do with appeasing MOR. Another name which was contemplated was Rail On Mars Surface (ROMS), but then it was dropped citing its similarity to abbreviation MOSR.

The project saw initial hiccups when a hakim type looking babu of Accounts deptt,  who is struggling to come in terms with allopathic medicines and latest technology in railways had put an objection to fund sanction to which the accounts officer has invariably agreed.
The objections were:
  1. Why WDM is being sent to Mars bypassing Moon?. Even ISRO first experimented with moon.
  2. If WDM stands for “Without Diesel Machine” then why cost of Diesel is put for proposal???
After much explanation and finally coercion the hakim type babu has agreed. To which the officer concerned has also invariably agreed. The explanations given by IOW were:
  1. Since mission will launch during day time when moon is not visible so Mars has been chosen as next cost efficient planet.
  2. Diesel will be sold off in petrol pumps on Mars which will generate revenue.

It is learnt that no representative from either of the two recognised Union were called in the meeting. The aggrieved,so called shakha-pramukhs,  have put up their so called karmachari-hiit demands so that their so called rail-ka-kaam-sucharu-roop-se-chal-sake takes place.The demands are:
  1. one representative of each of the recognised union must be sent along with WDM-5H to Mars.
  2. All D&AR case aginst shakha-pramukhs be cancelled before launch.
  3. The roof of railway quarters which will eventually be built on Mars must not leak during Martian Monsoon.
If their demands are not met then they will proceed for 30 day long chakka-jam on Mars, for which everyone has agreed.

Even before the trial run of the project started operating deptt has told NO-BLOCK citing heavy bunching of goods rakes in yards. There are also rumors that at the time of launch a shunting engine will only be spared in place of WDM-5H citing heavy bunching.

The signalling deptt has turned its all gears on to convert Red Martian surface to green so as the loco pilot sees all green enroute. It is indeed a great task & when asked how much time will this endeavour will take they have pointed towards their reliable companion Ensaldo. Preparation is in full swing for any unconceived failure for which a draft has already been prepared holding Engg. deptt responsible for the cause.

The commercial deptt has been entrusted to deliver 1000 packets of cockroach-free food for enroute. To celebrate the occasion they have prepared an exhaustive menu of continental, italian, veg, non-veg cuisines and are expected to serve not more than ever green paneer butter masala. Your Luck Will Decide the Number of Paneers in the Gravy.

Unlike ISRO’s jet propulsion system Railway will use an indigenous technology to send WDM-5H to Mars. The in house developed system has been time-tested used in completing several projects against all odds. They have named it “CHASING”. 28 CUG powered mobile phone will be handed free of cost to the crew. An Engineering control will CHASE like hell on all phones and will relay its progress and next day movement in Morning Position to the monitoring officer.
Meanwhile grabbing the opportunity by both hands  safety  deppt has issued list of officers who will do night foot plate on WDM-5H upto Mars.

2 years later after the launch of ROM it was learnt that it is yet to reach Martian Surface. When asked about the possible delay and the location of Loco someone said nonchalantly “Outer pe khadi hai yaar

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